Body image wounds start as childhood wounds.

how to heal the little person inside you + be a role model to the little people in your life.

Meet Baby Bri, in all her 90’s glory .

From an early age (probably a little older than when this photo was taken) I understood that I not only was I living in a larger body but that this was a bad thing. When my body cues were questioned by others, I began to distrust my body.

Starting in these pivotal development years, not only did my body become a target of discussion but it became a source of shame.

I was 8 years old the first time a doctor shamed me for my weight. I talked about this experience to Today.com after a recent reel I made went viral.

“She said to me, ‘You are too fat. You need to lose weight, you need to exercise, you need to eat fruits and vegetables and not reward yourself with dessert,”

I was 8 years old the first time a doctor shamed me for my weight. This is a blog for another time - but the doctor made this statement to me and never ONCE asked about my eating or movement habits. I can’t remember if I was "still naked” from the physical or if I just felt vulnerable from the encounter. But I remember crying inconsolably.

I remember going home and taking a bath, grabbing parts of my body and praying that God would “make me thin” and would clean my room. This just goes to show you my state of mind.

This doctors visit is now core memory for me. Not only does my brain remember this moment, but so does my body. The trauma of it manifests today every time I go to the doctor.

The story my brain and body tell me: “I won’t be protected”.

The reason you might still be struggling with your body image is because their is a wounded core memory that hasn’t be healed yet.

The two most common questions I get asked about body image (+ children)

1. How do you heal childhood body image wounds?

2. How do I help my kids develop a good relationship with their body + body image

So let’s start by healing the body image story for the little person inside you so you can be a role model to the little people in your life.

1. Create a body image timeline

Do you have a core memory around the first time your body was shamed ? Let’s make a timeline of all the times you experienced body shame. What was the message or story that was communicated to you through this experience.

Follow up activity: ask yourself how would TODAY you have advocated for you back then

2. Explore your biases around body size + ability

Many of our implicit biases specifically around body size go unchallenged. Research supports that that specifically weight bias is worsening - not improving.

Let this make you angry. But instead of being angry at yourself or your body — be angry with our culture.

“Remember who the real enemy is”

Nowadays, rather than getting angry with myself, I find myself asking, “Okay, Bri": Who profits from that thought”.

Follow up activity: when you have a negative body image thought that is rooted in anti-fatness, ask yourself “who taught this to me, where did I learn this”.

And furthermore, is it good advice — or an old story that we need to let go.

3. Remember your why

Especially for those of us who grew up with almond moms in the 90s — we are committed to creating a different conversation when it comes to bodies. But sometimes, we can get lost in the sauce of the why — especially when society likes to distract us with masks of concern: mostly “what about health”.

Health + body positivity are not the same conversation.

The body positive movement was not about health, but it also wasn’t about feeling good in your skin either. The body positive movement was started as a social justice movement by fat, black, queer women fighting for fat liberation to fight for equitable treatment for the most marginalized bodies.

So we can talk about health. But that’s another blog post in and of itself.

So let’s stay on target.

What is your WHY? Why do you want to feel or talk differently about bodies?

My why was two-fold.

In 2016, I started my work as a therapist in Eating Disorder Recovery. I sat and listened to the most harrowing, heartbreaking stories of why these girls + women were afraid to eat [and furthermore, were afraid of looking me].

The research + evidence we have about the harms of eating disorders should cause more concern. But again, we care profit more on the fear fatness.

This statistic about 80% of ten-year old girls is just one of the many alarming statistics we should care about it. But for so many people, these statistics are just numbers. It’s not personal.

Enter in the second fold.

In 2017, I became a godmother. When I held this perfect being in my arms, it dawned on me the she does not yet know body hatred yet. And we will have a lifetime to shape the human she becomes.

8 year old Bri did know any adult who had a positive relationship with their body — no matter what size they were.

So 2017 Bri decided to become that adult.

My goddaughter was my why. But along the way, little Bri got healed too.

If you are reading this and you need an adult to model a positive relationship with their body — I’ll be your body image fairy godmother.

I want to make a forever resource for you and this topic - so we will be making a podcast episode for you on body image and kids + body image and healing childhood wounds.

Please submit your questions for the upcoming recording here:

For other body image reflections:

• Checkout the podcast episodes linked throughout this post

• Read Sonya Renee Taylor’s “The Body Is Not an Apology”

• Make the background of your phone a picture of little you. Any time a mean body image thought comes in, ask yourself, “would I say this to little me”. Awareness isn’t magically, but it’s powerful.

Remember my sweet friends, we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have available to us.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

―Maya Angelou