Unmasking the FEAR Behind Weight Gain - A letter from a Body Image Coach

As a fat + fat positive body image coach – there are 3 reasons why people are afraid of weight gain. I’ll ask give you a technique on how to OVERCOME each fear.

Hey Body Griever,

When I set out to write a spooky themed blog post this month, I thought of the thing that SCARES people most when it comes to their body image.

I even asked my instagram to vote and unequivocally – people said they wanted a post on the fear of gaining weight.

As a fat + fat positive body image coach – there are 3 reasons why people are afraid of weight gain. Plus, I’ll ask give you a technique on how to OVERCOME each fear.

1. The Conditioning of Diet Culture

If you are new to the world of Health At Every Size + Intuitive Eating, diet culture is the sneaky indoctrination of societal expectations that dictates what bodies are acceptable + desirable.

Consider the first time you heard someone criticize someone's body. For me, I was 4 years old. I went easter dress shopping with someone I loved and they said (about themselves), “fat people can’t wear dresses”.  This moment has been seared into my brain and twenty some odd years later. That moment impacted how I view fat bodies + what clothing they can or can’t wear.  

We are conditioned into the CULT of dieting by the abusive mental + physical gaslighting that fat people shouldn’t exist. I’d be remiss to avoid pointing that it’s way deeper than that. According to Sabrina Strings, author of Fearing the Black Body, discusses the intersections of the hatred of fat bodies because they hated black bodies first.

Solution: Just like in any cult, we need to deprogram from diet culture. We can deprogram from the clutches of diet culture by first building awareness of our own value system and contrasting what we believe vs. how we are living our life.

For example – Here is a picture of 4 year old Bri. (I know I’m biased but she’s effing cute)

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Could current day me imagine saying to her, “Fat people can’t wear dresses”?

Absolutely not. Why? Cause that’s a d*ck thing to say, especially to a 4 year old.  This shows that that statement isn’t truly aligned with my values, but instead, a sneaky diet culture toxic belief that is living RENT FREE in my brain.

2. Spiraling Out of Control

Another reason you are afraid of gaining weight is because if you are a former dieter - you probably thrive on feeling in control. 

Gaining weight can feel SCARY because so much is out of control.

• It can manifest under the guise of health. Can I really be healthy in this body? 

• It can manifest under the guise of distrust. What if I don’t stop gaining weight?

• It can manifest under the guise of self worth. What will people think of me?

• It can manifest under the guise of blame. My pain is my fault for being fat.

Solution: I teach my clients in my communities – you cannot SPIRAL your way out of these fear.  So instead, we need to become investigators of of our fear stories. And like we teach children, fear is information.  Just because it feels real, doesn’t mean it’s true. 

For example, just because someone may judge you for being in a larger body, doesn’t mean that the person is right to do so. Go back to the 4 year old. If it wouldn’t be okay to do it to her, it’s not right for someone else to do it to her either. 

Try my thought trail mental exercise to determine how to EXPLORE this information without judgment or taking it personally at this moment. 

But also know, it’s okay to take it personally. There is room for your grief. 

3. Body Grief

My entire concept of healing our body image is finding acceptance in your current body through body grief.  My working definition of body grief is “the perceived loss that causes distress through body change”.  

I see body grievers® grieve their bodies in the following ways (but not limited to).

Experiencing distress due to:

• Gaining weight

• Not fitting into old clothes

• No longer being able to sit in public spaces without an accommodation

• Experiencing judgement from their friends, partners, or strangers on their body

• Medical malpractice of assuming weight loss will heal any/ all of their ailments

Grief cannot and should not be rushed. If we try to RUSH into the acceptance, it just leaves ample time and space for the critical body image narratives (or the body distress gremlins) to manifest. 

Body grief often defies logic + reasoning.  It can feel expansive, overwhelming, and isolating.

Solution:  Elisabeth Kubler Ross, the creator of the stages of grief says that, “grief shared is grief abated”. 

Sharing your painful body grief out loud is the first step toward healing.  It isn’t sexy, it doesn’t fix anything.  But it allows us it sit in the suck of your pain. Like carbon monoxide, grief trapped in enclosed space is lethal. But by simply allowing in air, bringing the grief into the open – the grief cannot survive.

As we exit spooky season + enter into diet CULTure’s favorite season (New year, NEW YOU bullsh*t) I want to extend the opportunity for you to let the air into your grief room. 

And I can do this by inviting you into my open house.

For the first time ever, I am hosting a FREE Open House of my body grievers®.

My Body Grievers Community is not only a labor of LOVE but is also ROCK SOLID EVIDENCE of my foolproof method (the Body Grievers® Method) where my partner in fat friendship + joy (and nonviolent crime hehe) Jana + I take a small group of incredible humans on a body image excavation (we say that body image is not a journey because there is no arrival, just learning. That’s why we call the work a body image DIG).

• Not everyone is ready to dig or grieve. 

• Not everyone is ready to let go of the pursuit of weight loss. 

• Not everyone is RIGHT for the Body Grievers Community.

But I know when I was struggling in the depths of my body grief, I felt so alone. And that loneliness led to hopelessness. 

Our Body Grievers Community exists as anchor of hope; that if the pain, the fear, and darkness of your body grief is preventing you from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, we want to give you ample, unconditional and unapologetic permission to stop looking for.

Instead, look for the people IN the tunnel, clawing their out way of the same darkness. It doesn’t make it any less hard. It just makes it a hell of a lot less lonely. 

So if you are reading this and thinking, “she’s talking right to me”.

If you are reading this and your curiosity is PEAKED (even if you aren’t sure you are FULLY on board)….

If you are reading this and feeling the tingle of hope burn inside you – telling you, “Maybe I don’t have to keep living this way”

Then I urge you to RSVP to our Body Grievers Open House. We will walk you through who we are, how we can help you, + as a bonus, you’ll get a first hand experience to see all the people in the body grief tunnel with you. 

The doors are open.  We hope to see you inside.